


But I’m Kissaphobic

by Pa_tr0_clus



Series: Summer 2018 Fanfic AU Bingo [3]
Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alcohol, Angst, Canon Compliant, Drunk Sex, First Kiss, First Time, Homophobia, Internalised Homophobia, M/M, Mostly Post-Canon, References to Sex, Sad, Song Lyrics, Songfic, Unhealthy Relationships, idk why I can’t just write Connor happy for once lmao I’m sorry, im so sorry I don’t know where this went, religeon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 11:40:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15662517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pa_tr0_clus/pseuds/Pa_tr0_clus
Summary: Connor loves Kevin Price, but is desperate enough to not lose him that he will settle for whatever type of relationship he can get with him(Based off of the song Kissaphobic by Make Out Monday)(Based off of the scene in Alex Strangelove after Alex and Elliot’s kiss)





	But I’m Kissaphobic

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for non-explicit sexual content and homophobic slurs

_But I'm kissaphobic, don't wanna get too close to you_

__

The second Connor looked at the open door to the mission hut and felt his stomach flutter when saw the new recruits standing there, he knew he was in trouble.

_Your mouth is a hurricane, you'll drown me in the rain_

"The new recruits are here!" He put on a false smile before walking up to them and shaking their hands. "Welcome Elder Price and Elder Cunningham. I am Elder McKinley, current district leader for this area of the Uganda mission."

"Nice to meet you," Kevin replied, smiling slightly. 

The shorter one, Arnold Cunningham, was talking, but Connor wasn't listening. All he could do was keep his breathing steady and repeat his mantra of 'turn it off, turn it off, turn it off' in his head. He'd barely said four words, but Connor already knew that this 'Elder Price' was going to be the death of him.

'Heavenly Father, please don't test me like this," Connor pleaded silently.

_Shouting curses at Ursa Minor, as you beckon me to the covers_

It didn't take long for Connor to be proven correct in his assumption; it only took a few days for Kevin and Arnold to turn everything upside down. 

Kevin freaking Price. Kevin freaking Price, the stupidly gorgeous, stupidly narcissistic, stupidly _straight_ Supermormon turned atheist who swore and drank coffee and somehow after _even getting his mission shut down,_ still had Connor completely attached.

It was wrong. All of it was entirely fucked up, but Connor couldn't find it in him to care.

Six months after the Church of Arnold was formed, there was a party held at the mission hut. A celebration of all they had accomplished and somehow, Heavenly Father knows how, some of the other Elders had acquired alcohol for the event. Connor drank, and danced, and drank, and the next thing he knew he was laughing and being pulled to his bed by an even drunker Kevin Price. Connor's mind went blissfully blank when their lips finally met.

_It's cute when you do it, but Cupid is stupid  
He shot the wrong lovers_

'It wasn't meant to be like this, Heavenly Father forgive me, please, _please,_ have mercy...' Connor knelt next to his bed. The bed which held not one but two people the night before. Kevin was disgusted when he woke up in Connor's bed. He said it was all Connor's fault.

-

"Why did I do that? I'm so sorry. Look, if I led you on or something I'm really sorry- " Kevin was frantically pacing back and forth in front of Connor's bed.

"Wait no, no, no, no, no, YOU kissed ME- " 

He suddenly stopped moving. "Oh like you didn't want me to?" 

"Excuse me?" Connor's heart was pounding in his chest.

"Ooh, Kevin, let's hang out at a party! Oh, Kevin, why don't you join me on the dance floor and I'll do a little _gay_ dance for you! Oh, Kevin, why don't slow dance and get real close to each other because that's what everyone else is doing... look. I'm sorry, Elder, but this is wrong, it's- it's _sinful_ , you of all people should know that. I- I think I should go, and we should never talk about this again, okay? No one can know about any of this." Kevin sounded hysterical and desperate, but above all he sounded so _afraid_.

And how could Connor refuse to do anything he asked?

-

 _Throwing the Cabernet back in a bright blue Cadillac_  
_You're Marilyn Monroe and I am James Dean's heart attack_  
_Spin me around, keep me spinning around  
_ _Keep me swaying to the band_

After their mission ended, Kevin and Connor moved back to America and went off to college. Connor didn't care where he went as long as it was near Kevin, and as fate would have it, they both got into the same school. One night Kevin turned up at his dorm, hair tousled and dark circles under his eyes. 

"I'm taking you to a club to get drunk, grab your wallet." It wasn't even a question, he just knew Connor would go with him without protest. 

Connor grabbed a jacket and his wallet, hoping his roommate would let him back in whenever he got back so he wouldn't need to take his keys, and followed Kevin to his car. They climbed in and Kevin grabbed a bottle from the backseat, then took a long drink from it and handed it to Connor who copied while Kevin started the car off towards wherever this godforsaken club was.

They both drank, and danced, and drank, and danced again. Connor's vision was blurring, but his body was pressed up against Kevin's and it felt so right... 

_Your fingers are quivering, it's hip when you're shivering  
I wanna hold your hand, you said take the chance_

Connor slowly slid his hand down Kevin's arm and brushed their fingers together.

 _Take the chance (take the chance)_  
_(Take a chance, take a chance)  
_ _I wanna hold your hand_

He intertwined their hands together with much more confidence than he would've had whilst sober, and Kevin squeezed his hand gently before pulling Connor off of the dance floor, out of the club, and into the backseat of his car, just like how he did back in Uganda. 

_But I can't get too close to you my darling, can't get too close_

Kevin lay on top of him in the backseat of his Cadillac, hands still laced together, and pressed their lips together. It was rough and messy and desperate, just like them. Kevin bit down hard on Connor’s lip, making him open his mouth in surprise and allowing Kevin to force his tongue inside his mouth, making Connor whine and encourage Kevin to do even more...

_And God help me if I do, you'll leave me broken hearted_

"But last night you said you loved me- "

"I was drunk and I obviously didn't mean it! Why would I ever love another boy, I'm not like you, you- you disgusting faggot! Fucking hell Connor why do you always do this to me when I’m drunk?! If you dare tell anyone what happened I’ll make you regret it."

 _You'll leave me stitching my lips up again everybody now_  
_I can't get too close to you my darling, can't get too close  
_ _God help me if I do, you'll leave me broken hearted_

Connor dragged his feet as he did the walk of shame back to his dorm where he was greeted with a locked door and no roommate inside to let him in. He slid down against the door and sat, waiting, feeling completely numb.

_You'll leave me lonely at best, lonely at best  
I can't get too close _

He hated to admit it, but he still had feelings for Kevin, even after all they’d been through. He was ruined, and broken, and still desperate for Kevin’s prescene in his life. He hadn’t seen Kevin in almost two months.

_I can't get too close  
I wanna hold your hand_

“Hey you’re coming with me to the bar, quick, grab your stuff and we’ll go!”

 _But I'm kissaphobic, don't wanna get too close to you_  
_Your mouth is a hurricane...  
_ _You do this a lot, now don't you, baby?_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Summer 2018 fanfic au bingo part three: song!fic


End file.
